President Ninja

Does this mean he has been trained as one?

Maybe if you trained hard you could follow in his footsteps. Work from the ground up, you know. Start by getting a job here.

Not convinced? You should go here.

Simba's Pride

What exactly is Simba proud of? Hint: look closely.

Automatic Penis

I was in the bathroom at my mom's work this afternoon, and I went to wash my hands. Everything had been going well: the toilet had flushed automatically when I stood up; I had to force the stall door open, but it was flimsy and I am strong (HTML joke, ha ha). I stuck my hands under the faucet and was rewarded with a steady, warm stream of water. And then I looked to my left, and there, instead of a regular soap dispenser, was, well, this. When I stuck my hand under its nozzle, or "head," as we might call it, the device shuddered and squirted--squirted--a small pile of pearlescent goop into my hand. How is one supposed to wash with that?

43 Things

You would think that a Web site like 43 Things would be, as it markets itself, a useful and inspirational tool for accomplishing that great bugaboo, your goals! (What is 43 Things? It's a Web site on which you can register an identity and post Things You Want To Do so that everyone in the whole world can see, comment, cheer you on--and even adopt your goal as his or her own. "Discover what's important, make it happen, share your progress. Find your 43 things." That's the tagline.) But see, on visiting for a few minutes, I found myself wanting to register so I could add a comment to someone else's goal (to stop overthinking things) and then I started clicking around to see what other goals were out there. So now I start to see the trap. It's not a productivity/encouragement Web site at all! 43 Things is meant to steal my time away from me so I never get anything done.

The Hunt for Happiness

"Our contemporary quest for happiness has shriveled to a hunt for bliss—a life protected from bad feelings, free from pain and confusion." Via email from Gary.

Stupid TV Shows

From the Discovery Channel Web site for a show called Future Weapons:

Combining a swivel barrel with a video sighting array, [the Cornershot] allows the operator to observe and fire at a target around corners without exposing himself to enemy fire.... Its Israeli designers and other experts see great potential for the weapon in anti-terrorist operations.

This makes perfect sense because terrorists always hide around corners. With this weapon, the mighty U.S. military will surely vanquish evil forthwith.